Holier Than Thou

 Ladies. (And gentlemen, if hosiery is your thing.) Take note. There is a horrendous trend roaming the streets as we speak and it’s threatening to take over in a big way: ripped black tights.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I have been caught short many a time and found myself embarrassingly laddered in public; the habitat of a student, after all, has never been one conducive to a particularly polished aesthetic. But sharp-seated lecture theatres and poor quality washing machines aside, it has never – and will never – be OK to wear your tights less than whole in their construction.

Call me a priss, but as soon as October hits, I reach for my 80-deniers as a sartorial saviour to fend off the cold northerly winds. It seems immeasurably cruel, therefore, that great swathes of thigh are being forced to poke through what should, in essence, be a comforting leg-blanket for the freezing winter months.

 

I’m sure you yourself have witnessed this phenomenon in the flesh (pun definitely intended): hosiery that is not just snagged, but physically and intentionally torn to pieces. Far from the ‘couture hobo’ look that is being attempted, ripped tights in fact grottily bestow the wearer with an unmistakeable eau-de-bin-man. When your outfits begin to resemble those of Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears on an off day, it’s probably time to re-evaluate. Even the Olsen twins, original perpetrators of the ‘bag lady’ trend, have now moved onwards and upwards to better – and far more elegant – things.

 I beg of you: take their lead and do the same. Put the scissors down and leave your tights alone. Save yourself the embarrassment of being mistaken for a strangely well-groomed tramp. Believe me, your nether-regions will thank you for it.

Posted by: Brodie

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